In the course of this now lengthy “autobiographical rumination,” I have traced bits of my personal history and it seems to me that several patterns have emerged:

 

Observation 1 -- A progression of immersion and incorporation of the major streams of Christian tradition, beginning with the evangelical tradition (the Word-centered life) I grew up in, to the charismatic (the Spirit-empowered life), holiness (the virtuous life), contemplative (the prayer-filled life) and finally a rediscovery of the my native evangelical heritage.

 

Observation 2 -- An initial period of excessive myopia and unrighteous judgment towards others on the basis of my new-found discoveries (i.e., judgment towards people who did not “move in the gifts of the Spirit,” or people who didn’t define holiness the way I did).

 

Observation 3 -- An increasing sense of freedom and wholeness and a deepened experience of God and maturity in God as I synthesized the traditions in my life and practice.

 

    I find it ironic that each new phase, though bringing new depth to my life, was also accompanied by new (re-awakened) struggles with insecurity and its cohort pride, fear and judgment. It seems as though each time I launched into something that was both new to me and uncommon amidst my peers it both produced in me a personal feeling of precariousness and isolation and also a ground of uniqueness upon which to stabilize feelings of superiority and the authority to judge others.

 

    It is with excitement over observation number three and sobriety over observation number two that I will begin to share my most recent progression related to observation number one. I have stated earlier that I have been desiring to share some of my experiences over the past year related to “discovering” the richness of the Church’s liturgical traditions. The autobiographical preface was divulged in order to give you a sense of the excitement I am feeling as my life unfolds. My enjoyment in experiencing some of the Church’s historical worship does not of course come in a vacuum, but is for my a logical step in the progression I have been describing, as follows:

 

 

            Evangelical  Charismatic      Holiness     Contemplative    Evangelical  Sacramental

 

 (age)        [0-15]      [16-18]        [18-19]          [19-20]           [20-25]            [26…]

 

 (year)   1981-1996     1997-1999      1999-2000     2000-2001        2001-2006          2007…

 

 

 

        None of this progressive unfolding was planned, but as I have been reflecting on it in the past few weeks my anticipation is budding. Learning about this process has given a unique sense of history to my life so that in this way (amongst other ways as well) I feel like my life is moving somewhere. Additionally, and mysteriously, I feel as though the goal is unknown to me. When I was sixteen and enthusiastically reveling in new experiences of gifts of the Holy Spirit and spontaneous worship I had no idea that at twenty-six years old I would be enthusiastically reveling in new experiences of the Holy Spirit through the sacraments and liturgical worship. Some might immediately point at this as a regression, from being “spirit-filled,” to acquiescing to the “traditions of men [sic].” What is thoroughly hilarious to me is that I do not perceive any of the traditions I’ve experienced in this journey to be contradictory. Neither do I understand myself reaching a higher level of spiritual experience by participating in each new tradition. Rather, the excitement for me comes in the synthetic integration of the traditions in an entire life lived before and out of God. Furthermore, because right now I mostly see merely the components of this synthesis, I do not know what the final result, the synthesized whole, will look like. To me this is thrilling and I am looking forward to the fresh and startling newness that God will ironically work in my life through what is remarkably old.

 

    This raps up my “Prefatory Autobiographical Rumination” in which I hoped to contextualize my liturgical reveling. At this point I’ll just trace out some of the ways I’d like to do this over the comings months. Know that this is of course an outline and by no means represents a comprehensive list, an specific sequence of treatment, or even a fixed plan. Expect changes on the way. With that said I plan to:

 

1)    Give some introductory comments regarding the concept of the Christian Year and the way it sanctifies time by punctuating and defining the rhythms of our lives by the major redemptive works of God in the Messiah: Incarnation, Life, Death, Resurrection, Ascension, Outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

2)    Address significant days and seasons of the church year as they come along

3)    Provide prayers that correspond to the time of the year. Some of these will be written by others, but I would also like to try my hand at writing some of my own.

4)    A discussion of the Great Thanksgiving – a prayer that dates to the second century which is still in essence prayed at the high point of a liturgical service – the Holy Communion.

5)    Reflections on praying the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer

6)    Reflections on the weekly recitation of the entire book of Psalms, a practice which has long been practiced in monastic communities, (Martin Luther being one who did it for decades) and I’ve taken up for the past few months.