On the Road to Emmaus

Narcissim: Denial of the True Self is a fascinating book by Alexander Lowen, a leading psychoanalyst discussing the problem of narcissism. Though commonly thought of as simply the dilemma of an over-inflated ego in which one loves themselves excessively, Lowen contends that narcissism is rooted in emotional numbness. The narcissist does not love themselves excessively, they can hardly love, if at all. This emotional numbness is a defense against overwhelming experiences in life that if expressed appropriately would seem that one is going crazy. When our experiences do not correspond to how we perceive reality we feel disoriented and eventually like we are going crazy. One way of coping with overwhelming experiences is to deaden the body and sedate all emotion.

Over this lack of feeling, the narcissist constructs an image to present to the world. This image is not in accordance with the individual’s true self, which is mired in unexpressed sadness and anger. Since the sense of self is not rooted in the actual self, it is remarkably unstable and is constantly needing the praise and affirmation of others, hence the commonly perceived symptoms of narcissism related to the over-inflated ego. This image projection however, does not show one who loves themselves too much, but one who in fact has rejected their true self in favor of an image that is sane, collected, sophisticated, appreciated and affirmed. Narcissism lies not in self-love or self-acceptance, but rather in self-rejection.

One of the most insightful sections of the book was the final chapter in which Lowen critiques modern culture in a chapter he calls “the insanity of our time.” He claims that many fear expressing their emotions lest they seem, become or go insane. If insanity can be defined as not being in touch with reality, there is little more insane than not being in touch with one’s own emotions. To be emotionally numb is to not be fully alive. It is actually a form of insanity.

This applies not only individually but also culturally. Our culture as a whole is entirely over-stimulated. Whether it be television, radio, stereo, i-pod, billboards, etc. the stream of images and sounds is incessant. Add to that the hurried pace of our lives and the insanity is building. Since it is truly impossible to respond to all of these images and sounds, the only way to deal with such over-stimulation is to deaden one’s feelings. When that happens, we need further, stronger stimulation to feel anything at all. So we make the volume louder, beat the drums harder, play the music faster, flash the images more quickly, speak only in sound-bites, keep the activities rolling, etc. Is it any wonder why so many people are incredibly bored yet inundated with more entertainment than ever in history? Is it thus any wonder why our society compulsively throws itself into a boundary-less sexual expression as if one more orgasm can jolt one out of emotional numbness? Is it any wonder why even in the church, studies show that a majority of men are involved with pornography in a desperate attempt to feel something?

The church plays the game little differently than the rest of society. “People can’t listen very long, give them sound-bites,” they say. The music is getting increasingly louder, stronger, harder and faster. The pace is getting more and more frenetic. But this time, it is not just the ideal of societal advancement, God is behind it. It is no different in the seeker sensitive movement, where everything has to move quickly to keep people’s interest, or in the prophetic movement, where everything has to be so intense to maintain people’s passion. There is less and less time and ability to feel, be still, to read books, enjoy art or relate to another person non-pragmatically, much less to have deep prayer.

One of the most misused writers in the Christian tradition is John of the Cross. His fateful phrase “Dark Night of the Soul” is often applied haphazardly to whenever the pace slows down enough and stimulation decreases so that the “sense of the presence of God” has vanished from an individuals’ experience. Somehow the intensity must be ramped up, the pace quickened, the images made more vivid so that feeling can return. Over-stimulation is never the way for feeling to return. John speaks of the spiritual journey not as merely an increase of intensity, but an increase in sensitivity. When the sensitivity increases, the intensity will likewise increase automatically. The period of dryness that John speaks of is when feelings so subtle and so profound begin to graciously infuse the soul and one cannot even feel them. If one was in such a state and was to play the modern over-stimulation game, nothing at all would be gained. One’s sensitivity would actually continue to decrease and greater stimuli would increasingly be required for one to feel anything at all. Take hearing for example. If one wanted to hear something clearly, they could turn up the volume. Yet the more one turns up the volume, at a point, hearing will begin to be lost. When this happens the intensity has to be increased to replicate the same level of experience previously. Though the analogy breaks down here (as there is no way to reverse hearing damage), if one’s sensitivity were to increase, one could have the same level of experience even at a lesser intensity, and the same level of intensity as before would produce a greater level of experience.

Remarkably, those who have written on “deep prayer” throughout the centuries of church history, traditionally called “mystics”, generally describe this prayer as not having increasing activity and freneticism, but increasing stillness. It is often called the “prayer of quiet.” At this point “discursive prayer” ceases and one moves into sheer enjoyment of pleasures so very subtle and sublime. It is not our activity or words that matter here but simply the gentle current of love flowing from the deep within us. Jesus said in John 7:38 that whoever believes in him, that out of the deepest place within, rivers of life would begin to flow. These are pleasures more subtle but more superior than anything else in existence. However, their sublimity often evades us in the modern sea of stimulation. Let us forsake the insanity that fosters the deadness of our bodies and emotions. Let us again grow comfortable with stillness, quietness, silence and sublimity. Let us dare to believe that John of the Cross and Jesus were right. Let us not pursue stimulation, but increasing sensitivity; not mere doing, but rather resting in being; not simply operating by logic, but living and breathing, by giving and receiving unfailing love.

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